Infertility Journey of Nikki

 Well it's been 3 weeks since my last update. And boy has a lot happened, and yet I feel like I'm still in the same exact spot.  Starting where I left off, I got my period on 11/6, and went in for a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork the next day. My baseline follicle count was 11. I was approved to start my stimulation injections that evening. It was stressful, because I was supposed to be taking an oral medication Clomid as well, and it wasn't sent in the specialized pharmacy order. I had to call the after hours nurse and get it sent to my pharmacy and thankfully they had it in stock. Things like that just really stress me out. The first night doing the injections it took my husband and I a while to figure everything out. Mostly, him. He had to set up the Follistim pen, mix to Menopur, and inject everything correctly. The Menopur did burn which I had heard it would, and I did bleed a little at the injection site. Otherwise, it was okay.  We did those injections for the w...

 I never feel like I have time for updates anymore. I met with my superintendent, and I shared with her what is going on with my fertility journey. She was very understanding about the appointments and how I won't have much heads up which made me feel so much better about everything. Then, I had a meeting with the place that does the PGT-A testing. I knew most of what she was saying, but I did ask if the genetic issue our last loss had would be caught with the testing. She explained it wouldn't, but it is somehow harder to catch with female embryos (I don't totally understand the science.) So, she said if we had euploid female embryos, my RE would likely recommend further genetic testing to ensure they were chromosomally normal. That did stress me a bit, but it sounds like something my RE would already know and consider. After that, I had my ultrasound, where it turned out that it didn't appear that my body had ovulated yet. I was frustrated because that meant I had to ...

 It's been a long time. I have a lot to update on.  A couple weeks ago, we had another consult with the RE. Basically, we determined that we wanted to move forward with IVF. With my history of miscarriages, one being confirmed to be a chromosomal issue and another likely was, we determined we would rather use IVF than continue trying on our own.  She briefly went over what would come - I would start an estrogen priming cycle first, with estrogen patches after monitoring ovulation. Then, I would start stimulation medications in my next cycle, then move on to the egg retrieval, PGT-A testing, and hopefully transfer. It was a lot, but it felt good to have a plan besides "wait and see" and "keep trying" and "it's normal." I also found out that my biopsy result from the hysteroscopy came back, with some rare plasma cells. I started being treated for chronic endometritis with an antibiotic. Thankfully I was reassured this won't affect anything with m...

 I'm not sure how to describe how I feel tonight. I reached out to a few people and I feel like it makes me sadder. I am just annoyed and frustrated that I am still in this place - number one in this situation without a baby when I wanted one, second without a complete answer for why my babies keep dying, and third still in this high functioning depression - where I am always at least a little sad, and when my day slows down I focus on how sad I am. What has been hard lately is comparing myself. My mother in law and I spoke candidly the other day, and I told her a little bit of what has been new lately, and she has been going through cancer treatment for the last year, and has had a good prognosis recently. She talked about how every day she has to choose between faith and fear, and I ended up crying. I can't choose faith. I don't think I'm pessimistic, but I'm just always sad and frustrated. I can't be the positive person looking on the bright side or believing...

 Well, this week I think we completed all of our testing, and now we wait for all of the results, and for our consult in a week. On Tuesday, I was supposed to have a saline ultrasound. However, I got there and found out the doctor changed her mind and I only needed a 3D ultrasound of my uterus. I also had some bloodwork done as well. I did have a bit of a panic attack to be honest. I logged in to my RE portal later, and saw my blood test results from last week. My AMH had gone down from 0.996 to 0.5. I truly couldn't catch my breath and felt like something was sitting on my chest. From my googling, it seems like AMH is only a little piece of the picture, but my FSH is also high, which ChatGPT told me is a sign of diminished ovarian reserve. I have so many questions but it is so hard to keep track of them. Does this mean anything for my general health? Is my fertile window ending? Do I have no good eggs left? Will I not even be able to be a candidate for IVF? I'm honestly so wor...

 It's been a long stressful week for me. Infertility updates: A couple days ago, I had my follicular ultrasound done at the RE's office, and some bloodwork. It looks like my FSH is on the high side from the results. I don't know my follicle count yet since they haven't shared it in the portal. I'm worried that I have a diminished ovarian reserve. My understanding of this is that I have less eggs than anticipated, so they are likely not as good of quality as well, which I guess kind of explains why I am having issues. I am worried then that I won't respond very well to IVF treatment and may only get a few eggs or none? I am trying not to spiral and Google but it's been really hard not to and it's making me sad. Next week I have SIS ultrasound to evaluate my uterus and all of that, and my hysteroscopy and biopsy as well with my OB. I had bloodwork done at both the RE and my regular office as well. I'm trying to see if I did everything I need to, and if...