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12/22

 Things have felt so busy and crazy it's been hard to update. But I have some time now being on winter break.

On 11/29, I got a call from the lab about my egg retrieval results.

Ultimately, we got 10 eggs, 7 mature, and 3 fertilized. Only one made it to an embryo, but as a 4CC it was too poor of quality to freeze and biopsy. So, we ended up with zero usable embryos.

At these results, I felt devastated. I felt like it's exactly what I was expecting - a failure. This is why I didn't want to share my IVF journey with too many people - you get to this exciting point, and then it's a failure and you have to start all over again.

It doesn't feel fair that we've tried so many things and it's still not working. I'm also angry that we couldn't do more and it feels like we're still just wasting time. 

Following the results, I had a consultation with my RE. It was hard but she took her time reviewing my information with me. I have a low egg reserve, and the eggs seemed to be poor quality. She recommended changing the protocol pretty significantly - I had used an Antagonist Protocol with Estrogen Priming. This time, she recommended Long Lupron or Traditional Lupron, which involves priming with birth control, overlapping birth control with Lupron, then just continuing Lupron until a period starts. After that, you are monitored for your baseline and start stimulation. I will be using Menopur and Follistim again, but starting at the highest doses this time. I felt good about being told changes were being made. I also started taking CoQ10, and we are utilizing the Zymot for sperm this time as well.

In this time, I also had my thyroid retested and my med dosage was increased again. 

I started my period soon after my consultation, so I went in for my baseline and started birth control a couple weeks ago. I started Lupron a few days ago, and did my first injection by myself because my husband was gone for the night. He has done the others though thankfully!

I have convinced myself that my low egg reserve is somehow caused by my thyroid antibodies. I feel in my gut that there is something immune related about my problems having a child. I never thought I'd go this route, but I'm thinking about seeing a functional medicine doctor if this next cycle is another failure. I have also heard about a reproductive immunologist who practices in Chicago. I hope to not need it, but I'm thinking about it. 

One thing I've also been seeing on social media is "infertility wrapped" powerpoints or stats. I collected some of my own for 2025:

  • 2 miscarriages (1 more than 2024)
  • 3 surgeries and procedures
  • 6 pregnancy tests taken
  • 9 months of therapy
  • 9 different medications and supplements taken
  • 12 months actively tracking TTC
  • 21 months since we started trying for a baby
  • 21 ultrasounds
  • 21 doctor visits
  • 32 blood draws
  • 1 self administered IVF injection
  • 40 husband administered IVF injections 
I've never been so excited for a year to end. 2025 has completely sucked. I have therapy tomorrow, and the biggest thing I want to bring up is how unhappy I feel in every part of my life. It feels like my infertility has impacted every area of my life. I've been feeling especially unhappy with my physical body and how I feel. But I also can't change jobs while relying on the security of my current one while navigating IVF and infertility, my friendships have been hard, especially my friend who is pregnant right now, and being a good mom, wife, and family member has been so tough. 


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