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Pregnancy #4: 7w2d

 Well, I got the shock of my life today.

I went in for my ultrasound, thankfully with my husband. It was at the hospital, which I hate, and there was a big accident so we ended up arriving just on time since my husband insisted on leaving early.

I feel like I sort of accepted that I was probably going to get bad news going into today. The last thing I had done at the doctor was an ultrasound with just a sac, and my HCG results going up but not doubling as anticipated. It feels like forever ago.

Today, she did the ultrasound and we saw the baby! There was a measurable gestational sac that measured right on with 7 weeks of pregnancy. We couldn't hear it, but there was a heartbeat of about 140. The OB is not my favorite, and she did say "I wasn't really expecting that either."

I have to go back next week for another ultrasound, which I'm happy about since I am so anxious now. 

I teared up during the ultrasound. I didn't look at the screen right away because I wasn't feeling very confident. But now I'm feeling guilty that I had so much doubt. I am feeling so much more positive from this, but also so scared since I found out I lost my first miscarriage at 14 weeks. 

I know my husband is worried and scared, and it's hard for him to be excited when all we have had is bad news since December. 

I am starting to feel like my boobs are sore and maybe my random aches around my pelvis were from pregnancy. I feel like I had convinced myself I wasn't pregnant, and now my body is accepting it? Or it's all in my head. 

Now to navigate another pregnancy after loss. Feeling SO anxious. So much is happening in the next few weeks with a pregnancy, work starting back up, and my husband going back to night shift tomorrow night. 

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