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Pregnancy #4: 7w1d

 I'm not sure what I came here to write about but it felt like I should.

Tomorrow is the appointment for the ultrasound. I feel like I've known since the last ultrasound that this baby isn't going to make it. But I hope there's still a small chance they will.

I feel like each pregnancy gets worse. I keep feeling like trying this 4th time was a huge mistake, and I should have just done the testing I needed to do. I feel stupid. I'm mad at myself. 

I did make a list of questions to ask the doctor about. 

  • Is there any better way to monitor a pregnancy next time? More HCG? The waiting period between ultrasounds was awful.
  • Do you have any insight on my thyroid antibodies result? Can I use a referral to an endocrinologist? Should I get my thyroid retested next week as suggested?
  • Is it more worthwhile at this point to keep trying or take a pause while we get all the testing done?
  • Is there anymore testing you can offer through your office? We have done: blood clotting disorders, AMH (which was low), karyotyping, diabetes, thyroid (high antibodies). Your office also planned on a hysteroscopy with biopsy for endometritis. 
Again I just feel so stupid. If I do need to take care of another miscarriage, I likely won't be able to get this testing done until mid September. Although, that doesn't feel that far away I guess. It just feels like I'm stuck here in this awful limbo and life is moving so fast. 

I am going to post some affirmations I found on Instagram. Sometimes I find them helpful.







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