I'm not entirely sure where to start, but I guess I will start with my son.
My husband and I started trying for our first baby after our delayed Covid wedding and honeymoon in July 2021. We had been married for a year at that point, and together for 9 years.
I was surprised how little I knew about how to try and have a baby. I had asked my OBGYN at my last appointment, and she had suggested basically taking a prenatal vitamin, tracking my cycle, and trying on days 8, 10, 12, 14 and 16. I wish I could go back to the naivete I had then!
Despite the little I knew, we ended up getting pregnant in September 2021. I remember taking the test when I woke up in the morning before my husband, and sent him a text image of it because I was so surprised and unsure what to do.
We shared with our families at 8 weeks after our first ultrasound, with friends a little later after that, and to everyone around 13 weeks along. We made a cute social media post with our dog Reggie, and Facetimed all our family beforehand to make sure they knew.
There were a few hiccups with my son, but nothing too huge looking back (although maybe they are). When I was about 19 weeks, I got Covid. The OBGYN explained that if I were further along I might need blood thinners, but I would be monitored just in case. I had the big growth scan at 20 weeks, and I got another one at 32 weeks since I had covid. The doctor said he expected my son to be about 7.5 pounds.
At almost 39 weeks, I had a doctor appointment that we discussed labor and when we might induce and all of that. Afterwards, I started feeling sick and decided to call off of work. After a few hours, I still had stomach pain and just felt off, so we ended up going to the ER.
They took my blood pressure in the waiting area while they waited for the L&D nurses, and it was incredibly high. The nurses whisked me off to L&D where they confirmed I had preeclampsia, and would be induced for my safety. I was surprised but fine, and called everyone important to let them know we'd have a baby in a day or so.
Unfortunately, in the next few hours I kept getting worse. They had to wrap my bed in pillows in case I started seizing and wouldn't let me have anything but liquids. I had to start taking the dreaded mag drip and started throwing up. My OBGYN eventually called me about 6 hours after being admitted, and explained my levels kept getting worse. She said she was nursing her baby she had had about 8 weeks ago (true angel) and then was coming to perform a c-section. At this point, my preeclampsia had progressed to HELLP syndrome.
The c-section was hard - not the actual surgical part, but the mag drip made me throw up during delivery, and I was barely awake and able to attend to what was going on. I do think that contributed partially to my difficulties with nursing later on, but honestly with all those troubles I really did okay. I felt good after the c-section and after the medication wore off, even though it took 4 days for my blood pressure to come down enough that I could leave with blood pressure meds. Looking back, I'd do anything to be able to experience birth again, ideally with less medical issues.
Flash forward: I remember not feeling ready to try again when my son turned 1, like so many people around me were doing. I decided to wait to closer to when my son was 2. My husband agreed. So, we decided to start trying again in April 2024.
This time felt more stressful. I didn't get pregnant as fast - 3 months the first time. After 3 months, I decided to try using ovulation tests. They did help, and I got pregnant the second time using them in September 2024. This felt like it took forever, although looking back it feels like a weekend.
We were so excited by this news - I was due in June, and then kids would be almost exactly 3 years apart which sounded so nice. I was excited to be off again for the entire summer and then take another 12 weeks off for maternity leave like I did the first time. We found out we were having a girl, and shared the news with family and friends.
My third checkup was at 14 weeks. I went alone, anticipating not too much to happen. Unfortunately, at the appointment I had a bad gut feeling when my OBGYN (the one who delivered my son actually) could not find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. She explained some babies are small or hard to find, and got out the ultrasound machine instead. There, she confirmed the baby had stopped developing around 12 weeks and had died. I laid on the bed crying while she went and found another doctor to confirm her reading. She explained that I had some options, including birth at home or with surgery. I could not entertain birth at home, and listened as much as I could to the information about a D&E. She wouldn't be able to perform it since it requires more training, but she thought one at the practice could do it.
I left and got in my car crying, getting as fast into my seat as I could. Before I left, I called my husband at work. My first words were asking if he could talk and he could immediately tell something was wrong. I told him "It's bad. It's dead." He left work and I met him at home. Before he got home, I called my boss, who didn't know I was pregnant, and then my mom, who was watching my son for me that day.
I remember spending the afternoon in bed, trying to sleep but mostly crying. I had the D&E 3 days later on a Thursday, and went back to work Monday. It took what felt like forever but was a month for my HCG levels to return back to normal. But, I was encouraged that it was a genetic issue due to a cystic hygroma found on the baby, and bad luck.
We started trying again in January 2025. I got pregnant in March. This time, we were excited but also scared. The day of my first ultrasound appointment everything was going wrong. My husband was sick and didn't feel up to going with me to the appointment, even though I really didn't want to be alone again. I also felt terrible - I threw up in the morning (morning sickness?) and could barely eat from the nerves. In the afternoon, I went to the appointment and discovered there was a sac but no embryo. The OBGYN guessed it was a blighted ovum, but couldn't rule out an ectopic pregnancy or wrong dating. I had my HCG drawn, another ultrasound. My sickness turned out to be a flu that got progressively worse leading to me getting IV fluids and Zofran at immediate care, plus that doctor had to explain my HCG results to me that I was miscarrying again. At a third and final ultrasound, the OBGYN confirmed it was a blighted ovum. I had a D&C the Monday after Mother's Day. This time, only my close friends and my parents knew I had been pregnant.
After this, I was beyond sad, frustrated, and needing a solution. I pushed for testing from my OBGYN, and for a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist. At this point, I had had 2 miscarriages and had been trying for this baby for a year. The testing was overwhelming, confusing, but made me feel better that I was doing something positive. The RE was very confident I would be successful, and suggested some more testing. I asked what I should do if everything was normal. She said she'd recommend trying for a few more months on my own, and then move on to some intervention.
The next month entailed lots of phone calls - getting the correct information from my OB to my RE, asking insurance what would be covered and what it would cost, figuring out appointments for procedures and testing etc etc.
6/27-7/26: (Month 1 with RE):
- Testing for Anticardiolipin - normal
- Beta-2 Glycoprotein I - normal
- Lupus Anticoagualant - normal
- AMH - 0.996 - lower than anticipated, told to retest in a month
- Chromosome karyotyping - normal
- Hemoglobin A1C - normal
- Infectious disease panel and semen analysis for husband
- Baseline ultrasound/hormones on day 3/4 of my next cycle
- Infectious disease panel
- TSH/thyroid panel
- CBC
- AMH
- Cavity evaluation on next cycle day 6-12
- Hysteroscopy with biopsy for endometritis by OB on cycle day 5-13
- They also suggested adrenal antibody, hemoglobin electrophoresis screening by my OB
- They also suggested ones not covered by insurance: carrier screening, dna fragmentation testing
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