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Pregnancy #4: 5 weeks 2 days

 Well, I called my OB's office almost immediately after they opened this morning, asking the doctor to please take a look at my lab results from my HCG. It was done on a Friday, and I had been worried all weekend by the numbers not doubling. 

I didn't get a call back until around 2, where the nurse explained that the numbers had not increased like they had hoped, and they had to rule out that it was an ectopic pregnancy. I have to go in for an ultrasound in the next day or 2, and get another HCG blood draw. 

This felt exactly like what had happened last time. Last time, I wasn't being monitored so I didn't have any appointments until I was 7 weeks. This time, I had 4 HCGs and knew something was wrong at 5 weeks instead. But, both times they did the same sort of thing.

I am frustrated that I have to go to radiology for the ultrasound, since the technicians aren't allowed to tell you anything and I'll need another follow up appointment with the OB to figure out the results and next steps. 

The scheduler I talked to was also incredibly frustrating, mixing up my information and dates for the appointment. I know I wasn't in a great emotional place, but it really didn't help. 

So I ended up getting my HCG blood draw after my husband got home from work tonight. And my ultrasound isn't until the day after tomorrow because that's all they had available. Thankfully my husband can come with even though I won't hear anything. 

At this point again I just feel like time is frozen again but also wasted. I won't likely know anything until next week. I may need another D&C which will take me out sometime next week. Then I won't start another cycle for another month. I just want to continue my testing and figure out what the hell is wrong with me, but now it'll be delayed even more. 

I feel like I shouldn't have even tried to get pregnant. I am wondering how I was ever able to even have my son since it feels impossible to have another baby. 

I am hopeful that maybe this loss means I will get taken more seriously by the doctors - more intense testing or intervention or just being willing to do more for me. I felt like I had to push my OB to give me a referral to the RE, and to do some of the preliminary testing that they did. Maybe 3 miscarriages makes it worse enough to warrant more attention. That doesn't sound good out loud but it's true. 

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